Horrifically, after sitting stewing in the smelly police station with old people, pre-trial criminals and their offspring, I then had to go to the post office to apply for the super duper express passport ‘service’ which is pretty much the only way you can apply for a passport in Ireland, because may your god help you if you try and do it through the actual passport office.
In Ireland, if you need a passport, you must go to the post office.
You can only go to the passport office if you have an appointment, and if you are travelling in LESS than 10 days.
If you try and contact the passport office you will fail. There is no telephone number anywhere – you must use the website. I found a number once and it answered by telling me to go on the website.
Passport express is pretty much the only way of getting your passport, you stand in line at the post office and pay a whopping fee to have your passport delivered within ten working days – they do not guarantee you will get it before that. Okay.
So! I toddled over to the post office, which was infected with a large queue, many of whom had large shopping trollies, making the queue even longer. Unfortunately, I was standing in front of an old hag, who kept taking steps closer and closer to me, so close in fact she was leaning on me at one stage. I belted her whilst ‘adjusting’ my handbag. Then more old people joined her and they talked about what a dump Ireland is. I went on facebook on my phone, whilst seething with hatred. Even when the queue wasn’t moving, she kept walking on me. I considering kicking her, but I would probably get in trouble and I didn’t want to lose my queue place.
Eventually I was summoned to counter no 2, I said hi, not even a grunt back. My documents were taken from me. I was supposed to take a sticker from the application form (to trace the progress of the passport) and was told a loud ‘NO’ to this. I was clearly interrupting his sleeping time. Then I was told the cost was EIGHTY NINE EURO and whilst sobbing and handing over the money I was informed that wait times for PASSPORT EXPRESS are currently 10-12 working days.
‘I’m paying for passport express, right?’ I ventured.
‘Yes,’ said King Horrible.
‘Like, the 10 day passport service?’
‘So how long will I be waiting then?
This is why Ireland will never ever ever go right.