New Ears

Disaster last night, when my Sony cd cassette recorder WITH REMOTE refused to play my (cd) audio book.  I immediately flicked about with it and finally got it working, but it’s happened a few times lately, and my old cassettes don’t always play – it might be a Sony, but it’s not alright.

To the interweb thing.  Well goodie, Sony doesn’t even make this model anymore.  Ebay doesn’t sell it.  If I want a cd player I have to buy an ugly box thing and manually move the radio dial myself!!  No remote controlled presets here!!!  As for cassette players…

It’s a whole new world my dear.  I will have to – what, MP3 it?  Ipod that?  I haven’t a clue.

Naturally I have turned to youth and called Lilsister a whopping 9 years younger than me.  I began my tale of woe and as soon as I said ‘MP3’ she audibly moved the phone from her ear whilst muttering ‘I don’t get that shit’.  I asked her not to underestimate the significance of the information she was receiving and she laughed.  How can I listen to my plays now?

I am going to have to (Jesus) sit down with Hangsandwich or Boo Boo, both IT experts, to get them to explain to me how to work an ipod and then how to transfer my millions of cds to said ipod, and how to listen to them on what I believe is called an ipod ‘dock’ (headphones are for walking).  I pity them already, and I am afraid.

There is hope, as I type I am listening to rainforest sounds on youtube via the interweb.  We stress heads like our rainforest sounds, you see.

Foetal Position Time

Plodded into work this morning and was informed I would be doing an additional thing today.

Stared at my manager, horrified.  It was 8am.

Yes, I have had green tea, but that is not REAL tea, so seriously, don’t go rocking my morning before the caffeine hits.  Plus, did I mention, it was 8am and I have trouble stringing sentences together at that hour.  So, instead of screaming are you bleedin serious you mad cow all I could do was stare at her in the aforementioned horror.  I think I was putting stuff on my desk and I actually froze, terrified.  She said don’t worry, you’ll be fine, I’ll help you through it, and proceeded to make me do it without an ounce of training.

This is all fine I suppose, except I don’t know how to do my actual job yet, let alone all the little extras that make the day that much more shite.  So, having being accosted both pre-tea and early in the morning, I was completely thrown all morning, and flapped about like I had been poked in the arse.

During one of my many mini meltdowns that followed I requested help and it was duly given by my manager.  However, she then leaned in and said she understood where I was coming from, because ‘you know yourself, when you get to a certain age and you see all the young ones flying along on the system, your confidence is knocked’.


So I am fully aware I turned 40 last Friday.  I know I don’t look 20.  But I don’t look like a crumbling heap either and I have rarely been on a database that is so non user friendly that using a MOUSE TO CLICK ON IT actually FREEZES THE ENTIRE SYSTEM.  I am a child of the 80s and I can tell you, this ‘system’ is uglier and nastier that any black screen with the flashing green text on it.  I am not drowning because the bright young things next to me can use it, some of these world travellers have been in the company over 6 years using the same thing every day, whilst I was out getting my life wrecked, something that has clearly impacted on the lines on my face and contributed to me being referred to as ‘of a certain age’.  I have also been using systems that allow you to use the ‘enter’ button, and a mouse if required, and can copy and paste.  I know, what old biddy.

After that, I got a mug of tea and took several meditation-inspired deep breaths and felt like having a cry.

This starting from scratch crap at 40 is a lot harder than I let it look.