Life Thoughts Before My Burger

Friday evening, I’m sitting alone in the apartment feeling quite unloved and unattractive when the phone rings.  Hurray!  Unfortunately it is a charity I used to subscribe to, asking why do I not subscribe to them any more????  So I now feel unloved, unattractive and reminded of my destitution.  Party in mine!!!

Lilsister’s wrist and hand is healing nicely, if you count the giant red scars and bubbling blisters she likes to show me most evenings.  She celebrated getting some feeling back in the area by washing her hair last night, something she could no longer avoid doing, it had been many days now and the birds were looking to nest in it.

She finds herself in Belfast tonight, with Scarydancer partying it up in his friend’s house, leaving me alone tonight, and sober.  I have considered drinking my bottle of wine but not sure I’m in the mood yet.  Besides, I am 98% certain that I will be driving to Mcdonalds in a while to treat myself to burger, chips and ice cream sundae happiness.  That should REALLY help with my unattractiveness.

Finished my weird Serbian novel last night, the stoned hero stopped doing weed and found himself in a transendental well, inbibing the Kabbalist spirit of a Jewish man that had died many hundreds of years before, and then finding a friend of his dead, and fleeing the city.  I must admit, I am quite lost.  I presume this is a tragic ending, but I don’t really know why.  My head hurts.

Have also been making Life Decisions over the last few days.  Will bite the bullet and do my financial exams, so I can start looking for a job that pays a wage sufficient to cover the cost of a glass of wine on the weekends, as my current role does not.  I may have previously mentioned my hatred of the Institute of Bankers, and that continues unabated, but without sitting their silly exams I cannot even apply to do the work I used to do, and must then starve by the wayside, and as a single 37 and three quarter year old woman with no prospects, this simply will not do.  So I am, with a heavy heart, shelling out SIX HUNDRED euro to sit two MODULES – not the whole thing, as I am not a millionaire, then grasping around my purse for more pennies as I first have to ”register” with the ever friendly institute, and pay fifty euro I think for THAT privilege, then pay again to sit the bloody exams in the first place!!!  I seethe, and burn, and rage quietly.

If I pass these exams I will celebrate by obtaining a normal paying job, and purchasing a man to pretend to be my boyfriend at all the social events I will then be invited to.  See, I have it all worked out.

Advertisements

Modern Bathroom Ruins Modern Family

Still popping up to Mammy and Papabear’s house to use their internet, which doesn’t take two years to upload.  Got the Mannilow Monster on full whack, cause he rocks.  Papabear seems to be back on form, he has just visited me in the kitchen where he plonked half a tub of ice cream into a bowl and floated off again, presumably to have manmoody thoughts.   Told you PMT is best fed so all should be well soon.

Spent the morning with my meditation group which I now have to abandon due to employment being found.  Put in request with them for evening sessions, as it is most beneficial when one has been abandoned by one’s husband, found herself homeless and jobless and returned to Ireland in the midst of winter.  If it helps me, it must be helpful.

Popped up to the house to catch on my programmes lovingly taped by me for me on the sky plus thing, which I barely understand, but which works wonderfully if Mammy doesn’t delete everything, which she likes to do as she gets panic attacks if she has less than 60% worth of memory available.

One of my daily treats is a double helping of my near favourite comedy ”Modern Family”.  I have nothing bad to say about the show itself, but I must advise that Cam should be my daddy for evermore, he is a dream parent.  Having said that, I must protest in earnest at the ad that precedes all the episodes I’ve taped so far.  I have no idea what it is for, clearly a bathroom company of some sort, because it has all this clips of an Aryan-style child, doing crazy things in the toilet (???) like shaving, dancing and – gasp! – reading the paper.  I hate Whiteboy, with a passion I didn’t realise I had left in me.  He never speaks, his sole existence is to occupy the GIANT bathroom that I will never experience, let alone own, doing not so funny grown up styled antics, presumably whilst the rest of his family wait outside the door clutching their crotches and hoping the door opens soon.  I say family, but it’s probably only his parents, as he has GOT to be an only child, spoiled and unspecial, and going slightly mad, sibling-less, in the toilet.  I foresee a road of sexual incompetence, emotional issues and a dented head if I ever get my boots on and see him in an alleyway somewhere.  I HATE HIM.

The other thing I hate about these ads is that they are slow yet quick.  Slow in that they are long enough for you to build  a hate machine which you then turn on when they come on, letting all the hate and bile spray over the tv, but too quick for fast forwarding on the ”x12” or ”x30” speeds, which I prefer, as I see fewer ads, because I have issues with advertising, that are too boring to go into now, and for which I am too tired to go on about because I got up early to meditate and I need an afternoon nap.

I fast forward all the other ads, then in literally a  BLINK, this ad flashes on the screen long enough for me to know it’s there, and my programme is about to begin, because – and here is the scumbag part – when Modern Family starts they don’t show a Modern Family sign, they just GET INTO IT, right after these STUPID BATHROOM ADS, meaning all too often I then MISS the start of my show, and begin throwing large, unprofessional-like tantrums because I then have to REWIND, on the ”x6” speed, which means I ALWAYS catch a glimpse of Blondebits doing his stupid shaving dance, or swinging his legs on the toilet or whatever non-hilarity they’ve thrown at me this day.  I CAN NEVER JUST GET THE SPEED RIGHT AT THE START OF THE SHOW.  Having rewinded the opening parts of Modern Family, I find myself back in the white bathroom with the white child and then I have to FAST FORWARD, AGAIN, on ”x6” meaning I have to then watch the whole ad again before catching the start of my programme!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I hate marketers, and advertisers, and this child.  I would hate the company too if I knew who they were, but I don’t.

I should probably go and watch my programme now, I’ve just remembered I’ve two new ones today.

Barry is now cranking out Long and Winding Road – bust it out sista!!!!!!!!!!