I just ran up to the bathroom, and against my own advice looked at myself in the mirror, and noted that the chocolate icecream I had been inhaling downstairs is now, inexplicably, all over my neck. Why why why? And all this as I sit across from a picture of Dita Von Teese. Sigh.
The icecream comes hot on the heels of some bad job news, I got a job, then they withdrew it, as they don’t need me anymore. Major sigh. I have come straight to Mammy’s, and had fried food with her and Papabear, and then inhaled icecream, as it is my favourite dessert.
Lest it sound pig-like, I will also have you know that I have been out walking and exercising several times each week in the last few weeks, and yesterday I even attempted running! Wonderful timing on my part, as there was for some reason, a full gale force wind going on, which may sound awful, but it wasn’t sleeting and hailstorming and rain, and I could see a blue sky, so I went straight out into it. I walked outside the door of our apartment block and my baseball hat was immediately blown off. I did consider not chasing it, as this was not part of the exercise plan, but I really needed it, because it meant my hair had now blown fully into my face, and seeing in front of me was becoming an issue. So I ran after it, retrieved it, and ventured out into the cruel cold world. Please note this was NOT the running I was referring to, although it should count, as I did trot about the carpark chasing the hat, so it was at the very least, a warm up. Ha!
Anyway, whilst doing my usual ”round” I felt extra bouncy and decided to give the old running a go. I had ten euro in the right boob part of my bra (to stop at the shops afterwards, and buy the Sunday papers, after I sweated all over the counters and scared off the children), and my walkman (to encourage fast walking with 80’s pop music) stuck into my left boob, so everything was secure and ready for action. I began to run, and immediately had to lean forward, towards the ground, to stay on my two feet, such was the might of the gale force winds. I then began to worry about my hat again, so for extra sexiness, I pulled my hoodie over my head and tied it beneath my double chins, and attempted to run that way. Unfortunately this ”look” is flattering to no-one, least of all to a 37 and seven eighths year old woman with no makeup, sunstroke (as we had some extremely weak sunrays pushing through, and I have no experience of this, so I was quite red) and leaning forward in the aforementioned unattractive manner. Luckily, the White Bright Light running man I spotted some weeks ago was nowhere to be seen (I think) so I haven’t ruined my chances just yet. But give me time. I will. I always do.
Thirty seconds later and I was heartattacking, panting and wheezing, but still on two feet, so I’m getting better. I even looked up proper running shoes on the internet to help with my sloping foot which affects my gammy knee, so it’s getting serious. Luckily the Olympics are a hop skip and wheezy jump across the pond in London; by June I should be marching through the opening ceremony, Irish tri-colour in hand, ready to do my country proud. Or – maybe not. Maybe I should just down pints in the pub with everybody else and watch Ireland in the football instead. Hmmm. Either way drink should be involved, which brings me to my next point – I need to start drinking again. It had been several weeks since my last sup, and on Saturday night, filled with rage and general grumpiness, myself and Lilsister downed a couple of bottles of our beloved prosecco, which caused Lilsister to fall asleep and leave me and Scarydancer up discussing the merits of German versus Czech beer. However, I woke up with an awful headache the next day, and I conclude that this is due to the fact that I have not kept up with my regular drinking, meaning I have become weak, and pathetic, and sober.
It stops here.
Wine, beer and spirits must once again enter my life, or I will become like a child – unable to handle the drink. We have Ireland in the olympics, the European football and the Gaelic Football season all about to begin, and here am I, clear headed and not slurring – it will not do!!! It WILL NOT DO!!!